Welcome to Round One, Game Four of BuzzFlash's Republican Race to the Bottom. Here's how to play: Vote for the worse of the two contenders on the left. Vote by marking the circle next to the contender you dislike more, and click "Vote." A winner will be declared at midnight tonight. (If you can't see the poll, please upgrade to Internet Explorer 8, or try Firefox.)
The winner will advance to the next round of the Sour Sixteen, with a chance to become this year's worst conservative. Click here for more about the Race to the Bottom. Click here to see the full bracket, which you can fill out to play along at home.
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Bill "Do It Live" O'Reilly
Weighing in with an ego the size of Texas, Bill "Do It Live" O'Reilly is a major contender. This long-time Fox player has an amazing pivot; he's able to turn on a dime, especially when it comes to hypocritical statements about privacy, sex and drugs. Furthermore, his amazing ability to spin and weave through well-established facts -- what some observers have termed the "Oh Really?" Factor -- is nothing short of legendary.
He's been the de facto team captain in the War on Christmas scrimmages for years, though his passion seems to have waned a bit in recent seasons. He seems to have lost some of his insanity cred, at least when compared to his new fellow player on Fox, Glenn "Bats**t Crazy" Beck. Of course, if O'Reilly's sports career peters out, he'll always have his music to fall back on.
Bobby "The Exorcist" Jindal
Bobby Jindal is a young rookie, a "rising star," an up-and-comer who was the first-round draft pick to go mano-a-mano with President Obama in prime time. Did his disappointing post-game analysis signal the start of an equally swift downward spiral, or will the Brown U. man who took credit for caring about the Big Easy polish his game and stage a comeback in time for 2012?
Rush Limbaugh called Bobby "the next Ronald Reagan," but he looks more like the GOP's idea of a Young Republican version of Barack Obama. Trouble is, whenever Bobby fakes to the left or right, his teammates are thrown off as easily as his opponents, resulting in chaos on the court. His proud rejection of a little stimulus money and his condemnation of DC eruptive spending signal that he's got fight, but will that enable him to go up against the big boys for the long term? When Piyush comes to shove between Pundit O'Reilly and Pol Jindal, who will get off the best shot?
RESULTS JUST IN FROM ROUND THREE:
Michele "The Mad Lady of Minnesota" Bachmann lost a hard-fought Game Three of the Republican Race to the Bottom on Wednesday to Albert Gonzales. "Fredo" beat the "Batty Woman of the GOP" by 76% of your votes to 24%. Her consolation prize is an exorcism in Duluth.