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If you are new to our Madness parody, don't fear. There is still plenty of time to have fun and play along with our Sour 16 tournament. Still plenty of Republicans to frighten us with their evil. 

The Sour 16 is now down to the Terrible 12. We just finished our first week of the first annual BuzzFlash Republican Race to the Bottom. So we are going to recap the matches in a way hopefully more exciting than the American Idol results show (and a lot shorter in length).

We showed off our top seeds in the first two days: Karl Rove and Dick Cheney. And you definitely felt like we picked really evil top seeds. Rove crushed John McCain, gaining 94% of the vote, on Monday. And Cheney destroyed Newt Gingrich with 93% of the vote on Tuesday.

McCain and Gingrich have multiple levels of evil, yet they were no match for super-evil.

Wednesday saw our only upset of the week. We had Michele Bachmann as our #3 seed. What she lacked in history of craziness she made up in intensity. But history was more important as Alberto Gonzales pulled off the upset as the #6 seed with 74% of the vote.  

Our other 3-6 matchup was on Thursday, with talk show host and tantrum thrower Bill O'Reilly handily downing the up-and-coming rookie Bobby Jindal with 87% of the vote. Might be a different story five years from now, but for now, O'Reilly came out on top.

So half of the Elitist 8 is all set: a week from now, Karl Rove will take on Alberto Gonzales in a titanic struggle of Busheviks. Dick Cheney takes on Bill O'Reilly in a display of talking that will leave people screaming for less, not more.

Before then, we have the second half of our first round, and we do have some dandies. Monday's matchup is a battle of 4-5 seeds with the higher seed, the classic Hammer Tom DeLay, engaging with the SCOTUS Federalist Foursome, otherwise known as RATS -- Roberts, Alito, Thomas, Scalia.

No rest for Tuesday, as insanity combines with evil in Ann Coulter vs. the always tan, always clueless John Boehner.

Perhaps the best is saved for the final half of the first round: George W. Bush, the Decider, tangling with Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell on Wednesday. The final 1st round matchup will make you want to gather the kids but not let them watch: Rush Limbaugh against Sarah Palin.

Don't forget you can follow along with the bracket and play along. We continue with 4 great battles next Monday-Thursday with another wrapup on Friday. Check out BuzzFlash.com every day for updates. Your favorite basketball team may already be eliminated from that other tournament, but with our Sour 16, there will always be evil Republicans to root against.

Check out the original bracket and play along

Game 1: Rove vs. McCain 94-6

Game 2: Cheney vs. Gingrich 93-7

Game 3: Bachmann vs. Gonzales 74-26

Game 4: O'Reilly vs. Jindal 87-13

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Welcome to Round One, Game Four of BuzzFlash's Republican Race to the Bottom. Here's how to play: Vote for the worse of the two contenders on the left. Vote by marking the circle next to the contender you dislike more, and click "Vote." A winner will be declared at midnight tonight. (If you can't see the poll, please upgrade to Internet Explorer 8, or try Firefox.)

The winner will advance to the next round of the Sour Sixteen, with a chance to become this year's worst conservative. Click here for more about the Race to the Bottom. Click here to see the full bracket, which you can fill out to play along at home.

Join our e-mail list for daily updates 

Bill "Do It Live" O'Reilly

Weighing in with an ego the size of Texas, Bill "Do It Live" O'Reilly is a major contender. This long-time Fox player has an amazing pivot; he's able to turn on a dime, especially when it comes to hypocritical statements about privacy, sex and drugs. Furthermore, his amazing ability to spin and weave through well-established facts -- what some observers have termed the "Oh Really?" Factor -- is nothing short of legendary.

He's been the de facto team captain in the War on Christmas scrimmages for years, though his passion seems to have waned a bit in recent seasons. He seems to have lost some of his insanity cred, at least when compared to his new fellow player on Fox, Glenn "Bats**t Crazy" Beck. Of course, if O'Reilly's sports career peters out, he'll always have his music to fall back on. 

Bobby "The Exorcist" Jindal

Bobby Jindal is a young rookie, a "rising star," an up-and-comer who was the first-round draft pick to go mano-a-mano with President Obama in prime time. Did his disappointing post-game analysis signal the start of an equally swift downward spiral, or will the Brown U. man who took credit for caring about the Big Easy polish his game and stage a comeback in time for 2012?

Rush Limbaugh called Bobby "the next Ronald Reagan," but he looks more like the GOP's idea of a Young Republican version of Barack Obama. Trouble is, whenever Bobby fakes to the left or right, his teammates are thrown off as easily as his opponents, resulting in chaos on the court. His proud rejection of a little stimulus money and his condemnation of DC eruptive spending signal that he's got fight, but will that enable him to go up against the big boys for the long term? When Piyush comes to shove between Pundit O'Reilly and Pol Jindal, who will get off the best shot? 

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Welcome to Round One Game Three of BuzzFlash's Republican Race to the Bottom. Here's how to play: Vote for the worse of the two contenders on the left. Vote by marking the circle next to the contender you dislike more, and click "Vote." A winner will be declared at midnight tonight. (If you can't see the poll, please upgrade to Internet Explorer 8, or try Firefox.)

The winner will advance to the next round of the Sour Sixteen, with a chance to become this year's worst conservative. Click here for more about the Race to the Bottom. Click here to see the full bracket, which you can fill out to play along at home.

 

Michele "Madwoman" Bachmann

The "workingest" gal of the GOP, Bachmann is well-known for her Palin-esque wordsmithery and her notorious make-out session with former President George W. Bush.

But there's a lot people don't know about her. Bachmann's favorite TV show is The Sopranos, her biggest pet peeve is scientists who believe in global warming and her superpower is X-ray vision.

After God tells her that her time is up in Congress, Bachmann plans to either orchestrate a holy war against the Islamic world or stay home and to be sure dinner is on for her husband when he comes home from a long day of un-gaying people at the clinic.

Alberto "Fredo" Gonzales

Called "Fredo" by President Shrub, Al played loyal consigliere to the Bush Crime family, and most particularly to Dubya. In Texas, he helped make a Dubya DUI story go away just in time for the 2000 election, which you could say was a key play that carryied teammate Dubya into the White House. He also helped escort reformed, God-fearing criminals to the oft-occupied Texas electric chair.

In D.C. Fredo came out of the team huddle with improvised opinions that let Dubya do most anything, post 9/11. The D.C. crowd never warmed to Gonzo, but confirmed him as AG anyway. Al's not-so-friendly visit to his predecessor's hospital room didn't come out till later.

AG Gonzo thoroughly politicized the Justice Department, then told the refs he couldn’t recall much of anything from his tenure on that team. With the refs prepared to eject him from the game, Fredo walked off the court. AttorneyGate remains in dispute and may go into overtime.  At least Fredo wasn't kicked upstairs to replace Sandra Day O'Connor on the US Supreme Court. Matter of fact, ex-AG Fredo is still looking for work.

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Welcome to Round One Game Two of BuzzFlash's Republican Race to the Bottom. Here's how to play: Vote for the worse of the two contenders on the left. Vote by marking the circle next to the contender you dislike more, and click "Vote." A winner will be declared at midnight tonight. (If you can't see the poll, please upgrade to Internet Explorer 8, or try Firefox.)

The winner will advance to the next round of the Sour Sixteen, with a chance to become this year's worst conservative. Click here for more about the Race to the Bottom. Click here to see the full bracket, which you can fill out to play along at home.

Dick "Secret Location" Cheney

Running on the heart/pacemaker that will not die, Dick Cheney's Darth Vader routine was strong enough to make him the other #1 seed. Cheney also derives power from longevity, going back to his days of working for Gerald Ford.

The money Cheney made off Halliburton while acting as vice president. The votes against Head Start and Nelson Mandela. Going against his own stance on Saddam Hussein from his days as Secretary of Defense. The man-sized safe. This is a lot of evil.

We wondered if Cheney would even make it to the event, but as we saw over the weekend on CNN, he hasn't lost a step at being clueless and evil -- even within the same sentence.

Newt "The Contract-er" Gingrich

Known for his Contract with on America, Newt Gingrich is a powerful force that will not die, even contemplating a 2012 presidential run. Don't let the #8 seed fool you: if it weren't for Gingrich, the GOP might not have taken the House, and legislation to strip down the Glass-Stegall Act might not have ever happened.

But can Gingrich handle the pressure of going up against the Evil One? After all, we saw back in 1995 that sitting in the back of Air Force One made him cranky. While Gingrich has shown instability in past battles, his lasting power and well in-demand punditry on cable news talk shows makes him a dangerous foe. Gingrich has been calling for tax cuts, long after they were chic, and his latest idea is to pay teenage girls not to have sex.

RESULTS JUST IN FROM ROUND ONE:   

By your votes, Rove walloped John McCain 93% to 7% in Round One of the BuzzFlash March GOP Madness Tournament. (Voting for Round One was on March 16th.)

Published in Other

Welcome to Round One Game One of BuzzFlash's Republican Race to the Bottom. Here's how to play: Vote for the worse of the two contenders on the left. Vote by marking the circle next to the contender you dislike more, and click "Vote." A winner will be declared at midnight tonight.  (If you can't see the poll, please upgrade to Internet Explorer 8, or try Firefox)

The winner will advance to the next round of the Sour Sixteen, with a chance to become this year's worst conservative. Click here for more about the Race to the Bottom. Click here to see the full bracket, which you can fill out to play along at home. 

Karl "Bush's Brain" Rove

Known as "the Cute One" in the Bush White House boy band, Rove is world renown for masterminding the 2000 and 2004 Bush Presidential campaigns.

When he's not Swift Boating the opposition, Rove likes to spend his time voting in states he's not a real resident of, and dodging subpoenas. He retired from the Bush White House in 2007, and since has been a most valuable player for Fox News and the Wall Street Journal.

 

John "T-Rex" McCain

With the beat-down of the 2008 season still haunting McCain, all bets are off on the performance of this classic war horse of a player. In fact, he almost didn't make it into the playoffs, but his tenacity in the earmark games last month was undeniable.

There's some speculation of whether this might be McCain's last season, so watch out for more serious showboating from the Arizona senator on the court.

Published in Other
Friday, 13 March 2009 07:19

Race to the Bottom Banner

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The bracket is finalized:

 

You can download a printable version here: Republican Race to the Bottom Bracket

To fill out your predictions online, click here.

It was a hard fought season of Republican ignorance and destruction, but at last the champions emerge. These 16 Republicans have been invited to represent the best of the worst. We've watched them all season work their butts off to suppress our individual liberties, slander our candidates, and mold the truth like putty in their hands. Now it's our turn to crown the King on the Bottom, the lowest, most despicable, most dangerous, GOP member of the year.

We spent hours seeding the contenders into two regionals (Deep South and Small Town). Dick Cheney's seed is classified, but let's just say he's high up there. George W. Bush, a perennial top seed, lost his spot to Karl Rove in six overtimes. Michelle Bachmann jumped in rank this year after her big push to be the craziest elected official on television.

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Friday, 13 March 2009 06:05

Race to the Bottom Bracket

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A BUZZFLASH NEWS ALERT

In a testament to the vital need for non corporate, independent media, the non-profit MinnPost.com posted a Five Alarm bombshell: Seymour Hersh stated that a top secret assassination squad reported directly to Dick Cheney in the Bush Administration.

Ignored by the corporate mainstream press -- as usual -- Hersh's comments were picked up and followed up upon by the MinnPost following a forum at the University of Minnesota. 

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Wednesday, 11 March 2009 03:10

Sour 16: Michele "Madwoman" Bachmann

Michele "Madwoman" Bachman

The "workingest" gal of the GOP, Bachmann is well-known for her Palin-esque wordsmithery and her notorious make-out session with former president George W. Bush.

But there's a lot people don't know about her. Bachmann's favorite TV show is The Sopranos, her biggest pet peeve is scientists who believe in global warming and her superpower is X-ray vision.

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