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Welcome to Round Two, Game Two of BuzzFlash's Republican Race to the Bottom. Here's how to play: Vote for the worse of the two contenders on the left. Vote by marking the circle next to the contender you dislike more, and click "Vote." A winner will be declared at midnight tonight. (If you can't see the poll, please upgrade to Internet Explorer 8, or try Firefox)

The winner will advance to the third round of the Sour Sixteen, with a chance to become this year's worst conservative. Click here for more about the Race to the Bottom. Click here to see the full bracket, which you can fill out to play along at home.

Don't want to miss a game? Join our e-mail list for daily updates.

Dick "Secret Location" Cheney v. Bill "Do It Live" O'Reilly

In the first round, Dick Cheney handed Newt Gingrich a sound defeat, mostly by giving him the evil eye, and it's plenty evil. Gingrich was no match for Cheney's Darth Vader (no, it's not an impression) and his inside game.

Bill O'Reilly countered by yelling much louder than Bobby Jindal could stand, coasting to an easy win. O'Reilly's manic behavior on the court was overwhelming for Jindal's laid-back style.

Now we have a battle of contrasts: Cheney is much quieter in his evil and O'Reilly is plenty loud. Plenty of anger and evil all around. Which style will come out on top in this Elitist Eight matchup?

Monday's result: Karl Rove over Alberto Gonzales 89-11.

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Monday, 30 March 2009 09:07

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Welcome to Round Two, Game One of BuzzFlash's Republican Race to the Bottom. Here's how to play: Vote for the worse of the two contenders on the left. Vote by marking the circle next to the contender you dislike more, and click "Vote." A winner will be declared at midnight tonight. (If you can't see the poll, please upgrade to Internet Explorer 8, or try Firefox)

The winner will advance to the third round of the Sour Sixteen, with a chance to become this year's worst conservative. Click here for more about the Race to the Bottom. Click here to see the full bracket, which you can fill out to play along at home.

Don't want to miss a game? Join our e-mail list for daily updates.

Karl "Bush's Brain" Rove v. Alberto "Fredo" Gonzales

In the first week of the tournament, we saw Rove beat John "T-Rex" McCain so mercilessly that the Arizona senator forgot he lost the election last November and was last seen wandering through Michelle's new herb garden.

Fredo's game against Michele "Madwoman of Minnesota" Bachmann was a bit more contentious, but in the end, craziness is no match for the evil that comes with being a Bushevik.

So who is worse: Bush's brain, or his consigliere? Rove has the magic of perception on his side, but there's no devaluing Gonzales' knowledge of the game. After all, he made up the rules himself.

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If you are new to our Madness parody, don't fear. There is still plenty of time to have fun and play along with our Sour 16 tournament. Still plenty of Republicans to frighten us with their evil.

We've come to the end of the first round of BuzzFlash's Sour 16. We had 8 grueling matches with evil spilling off the court.

Last week, Karl Rove, Dick Cheney, Alberto Gonzales, and Bill O'Reilly advanced to the next round. This week, we needed to find the four who would take on these GOP dominators.

On Monday, we had the most complex game of the tournament so far. Tom DeLay, plenty evil, had to take on four, all at once, the SCOTUS Federalist Foursome (Roberts, Alito, Thomas, and Scalia -- RATS). The foursome dominated the inside game, taking care of DeLay 73%-27%.

Tuesday's battle was the closest of the tournament: Ann Coulter vs. John Boehner. We figured Coulter would run away with this, but it turns out being the House Minority Leader allows for plenty of evil. Coulter squeaked it out on a last-second shot (she did have a significant height advantage over Boehner), 54-46.

We hid some of the more intriguing names for the last two matches of the first round. Wednesday marked the debut in the tournament of George W. Bush. Mitch McConnell's chances looked better than his home state school (Kentucky, which missed the NCAA Tournament for the first time since 1991) but worse than the highest-rated school in the state, #1 Louisville, still in the tournament). In the end, Bush trounced McConnell 81-19.

Finally, yesterday, perhaps the two most intriguing names in the first round, names to make blood boil just thinking about them: Rush Limbaugh and Sarah Palin. Unlike Limbaugh, Palin is in basketball shape and has experienced with an outside shot. But Limbaugh proved to be several men in the middle, playing dominating defense by blabbering about nothing yet talking for three hours. Limbaugh took the final match 79-21.

This coming week, we have four more exciting races: Monday will spotlight two of Bush's people battling head-to-head in Karl Rove and Alberto Gonzales. Tuesday's event showcases two people who are scary and evil in Dick Cheney and Bill O'Reilly.

Pundits and forecasters are pumped over Wednesday's extravaganza: George W. Bush vs. some of the people who put him where he was: the SCOTUS Federalist Foursome. And on Thursday, a pundit battle to the finish, a battle of windbags in Ann Coulter against Rush Limbaugh.

As always, your vote determines who advances on to the Fallen Four. We continue with 4 great battles next Monday-Thursday with another wrapup on Friday. Check out BuzzFlash.com every day for updates. There are no Diebold machines involved. All votes will be counted, and you decide the winner, er, the more evil one.

Your favorite basketball team may already be eliminated from that other tournament, but with our Sour 16, there will always be evil Republicans to root against.

Check out the original bracket and play along

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Welcome to Round One, Game Eight of BuzzFlash's Republican Race to the Bottom. Here's how to play: Vote for the worse of the two contenders on the left. Vote by marking the circle next to the contender you dislike more, and click "Vote." A winner will be declared at midnight tonight. (If you can't see the poll, please upgrade to Internet Explorer 8, or try Firefox.)

The winner will advance to the next round of the Sour Sixteen, with a chance to become this year's worst conservative. Click here for more about the Race to the Bottom. Click here to see the full bracket, which you can fill out to play along at home.

Join our e-mail list for daily updates

Rush "The Bloviator" Limbaugh

More like a beefy football tackle than an agile hoopster, Rush Limbaugh (aka Jeff Christie, in his early days) is a uniquely dangerous opponent, and he brings with him a rowdy following of dittoheads to fill the stands. Rush is a mean player who gets off on just hoping others will fail.

Rush has been in the game a long time, though, so long that he became addicted to the pain pills he needed to deal with all the hard hits over the years. Rush is the embodiment of the concept "bloviator," and some find his arrogant hate-mongering on the radio entertaining in small doses. Others find his slovenly style and over-sized stogie totally off-putting. 

Rush is apparently hard to take for the long haul, judging by his three divorces, despite the fact he and wife #3 were wed by none other than uber-conservative pal, Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas. Did his ladies tire of being called femi-nazis? Or did the persistent rumors of homosexuality bother the wives more? We're still waiting for that tell-all biography to come out.

Like many undeserving sports pros, Rush commands an obscenely hefty salary. Will "The Bloviator" ultimately prove in this "Race to the Bottom" that he really is the undisputed leader of the GOP? What a shame it would be if he were to be knocked out of contention early by the Pious Palin.

Sarah "Mama Grizzly" Palin

Let's face it, this hockey mom has got some game of her own. While not exactly what you'd call a team player, her eagle-eyed vision helps her keep the bad guys out of her zone. She's a vicious competitor, with a bloodlust that cannot be denied. She's a formidable power forward, and with her my-way-or-the-highway-to-nowhere attitude, she gets business done.

Palin started out with a dream to be on the sidelines but ended up on center court. Seen by both teammates and competitors as an aggressive go-getter, Palin refuses to return to the bench. She was dealt a huge blow when her contract wasn't renewed with the GOP league at the end of the 2008 season, but one could argue Palin's made a lot of her free-agent position. After a book deal, her first grandchild and the collapse of her clothing line, Palin is already back on the upswing, vying for MVP in 2012. That is, if the world doesn't end first.

UPDATE: Bush was back in the House on Wednesday, and the master of mediocrity and war crimes decisively beat back a challenge from Mitch "Money Bags" McConnell to advance in the BuzzFlash GOP March Madness tournament: 81% to 19%.  "W" is back!

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Welcome to Round One, Game Seven of BuzzFlash's Republican Race to the Bottom. Here's how to play: Vote for the worse of the two contenders on the left. Vote by marking the circle next to the contender you dislike more, and click "Vote." A winner will be declared at midnight tonight. (If you can't see the poll, please upgrade to Internet Explorer 8, or try Firefox.)

The winner will advance to the next round of the Sour Sixteen, with a chance to become this year's worst conservative. Click here for more about the Race to the Bottom. Click here to see the full bracket, which you can fill out to play along at home.

Join our e-mail list for daily updates

George "The Decider" Bush

Right from his first moments in the big leagues, we knew Georgie's sticky fingers would take him far.  Boy were we right about that -- what a steal!

Coach Rove loved him for his flexibility and he's always been a team player. His dynastic background meant he had to work twice as hard to be taken seriously, and wow, did he blow his old man out of the water. His verbal acrobatics and penchant for nicknames made him a favorite on and off the court, and "Merica" will never be the same without him.

Lucky for us, he's come out of retirement for a victory lap, not that he hasn't done enough damage to the opposition already. Talk about Mission Accomplished! He still sports a powerful fake out, though, so watch out for this falling star -- he may not be out to pasture just yet.

Mitch "Moneybags" McConnell

When you first look at Mitch McConnell, you might not think he's too evil. He has a doofus sort of face and his real first name is Addison. But let's shake down his numbers: a perfect score from the American Conservative Union in 2006. Opposes campaign finance regulation on First Amendment grounds. Hypocritical on whether White House aides should testify. Introduced the Protect America Act of 2007, a distasteful, deplorable anti-4th Amendment bill that allowed the warrantless monitoring of communications inside and outside the U.S.

And being from Kentucky, McConnell has to know basketball, especially on defense, a skill developed by being the Senate Minority Leader. When you combine McConnell with his wife, Elaine "Do nothing as Secretary of Labor" Chao, they form a mighty pair. While technically McConnell is currently the sanest U.S. Senator from Kentucky (Jim Bunning is your other choice), he is still plenty arrogant and very evil. 

UPDATE: Bush was back in the House on Wednesday, and the master of mediocrity and war crimes decisively beat back a challenge from Mitch "Money Bags" McConnell to advance in the BuzzFlash GOP March Madness tournament: 81% to 19%.  "W" is back!

Summary of last week's results in Round 1.

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Wednesday, 25 March 2009 07:15

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Welcome to Round One, Game Six of BuzzFlash's Republican Race to the Bottom. Here's how to play: Vote for the worse of the two contenders on the left. Vote by marking the circle next to the contender you dislike more, and click "Vote." A winner will be declared at midnight tonight. (If you can't see the poll, please upgrade to Internet Explorer 8, or try Firefox.)
The winner will advance to the next round of the Sour Sixteen, with a chance to become this year's worst conservative. Click here for more about the Race to the Bottom. Click here to see the full bracket, which you can fill out to play along at home.

Join our e-mail list for daily updates

Ann "Slander" Coulter

Anti-liberal, anti-Semitic, and that's just a warmup. Wanting politicians to die? For Coulter, that's nothing. Her brain spews out evil just as she breathes out carbon dioxide.

Her books are filled with lies. When confronted by the CBC over an outrageous lie (that Canada sent troops to Vietnam), with a straight face, she flat out said she was right.

Coulter can score with evil in several different ways, making her a very tough opponent.

John "Tan Man" Boehner

Currently the Minority Leader of the House, Boehner's track record has been long and steady in the realm of evil. Despite his longevity, Boehner had exhibited childish qualities. After President Obama reached out to him on the stimulus package and came into the discussion already having made huge concessions on tax cuts, did Boehner react like an adult? Of course not: Boehner organized his "troops" and made sure none of them voted for the stimulus package.

Not content to confine his evil to being the House Minority Leader, he conveyed to Wolf Blitzer that there was "no deregulation of anything in the financial services industries. As a matter of fact, there was an increase in regulation." In Boehner's evil mind, up is down.

Though he serves Southwestern Ohio in Congress and spends the rest of his days trapped inside the Capitol, Boehner somehow exudes his all-over tan. Who is paying for those trips where the sun shines so brightly?

UPDATE:  In yesterday's action, the SCOTUS Federalist Foursome were just too much evil, edging Tom DeLay 73%-27%.

Summary of last week's results in Round 1.

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THE BUZFLASH EDITOR'S BLOG

By Mark Karlin

The populist and "Krugman" progressive wing revolt against the Obama Administration's coddling of Wall Street firms and individuals that broke the back of the American economy is simple: Why are the very people who crashed the economy to the tune of a couple trillion dollars or more being championed as the only people who can fix it?

This belies common sense, and the uproar on America's Main Street represents not so much a pitchfork rebellion as the eruption of just plain, straightforward common sense.

President Obama and others have asked that we act responsibly and reward those who work hard and achieve success. But that rule appears to have been turned on its head as far as the oligarchy on Wall Street.

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Welcome to Round One, Game Five of BuzzFlash's Republican Race to the Bottom. Here's how to play: Vote for the worse of the two contenders on the left. Vote by marking the circle next to the contender you dislike more, and click "Vote." A winner will be declared at midnight tonight. (If you can't see the poll, please upgrade to Internet Explorer 8, or try Firefox.)

The winner will advance to the next round of the Sour Sixteen, with a chance to become this year's worst conservative. Click here for more about the Race to the Bottom. Click here to see the full bracket, which you can fill out to play along at home.

Join our e-mail list for daily updates

Tom "The Hammer" DeLay

DeLay is your classic enforcer. His strategy when he was team captain in the House was all sharp elbows and aggressive offense, leaving subtleties such as playing by the rules to some other sap who's definitely on the other team. The Hammer, aka the Exterminator, has had his bouts with the refs over the years, yet friendly reporters still insist on helping him to claw his way back into the latest game.

Renowned as a team builder, but also as a trash talker, he'd sacrifice his own mother (or Terri Schiavo's dignity) to win the game. He even redraws the lines on the court to favor his sorry side.

SCOTUS "Federalist Foursome": Roberts, Alito, Thomas, Scalia

The four most dangerous names in "justice" have an evil common bond: Roberts, Alito, Thomas, Scalia. Some know them as RATS (acronym for the four). We label them as the SCOTUS Federalist Foursome.

Overturning common sense urban gun laws. Ruling for companies over individuals. Crying about activist judges when these four truly are the activists, tearing down what made this country great.

While there may be four musketeers instead of three, when these men get together, nasty fouls are the least of your problems. Their motto clearly isn't "All for one and one for all," more like "All for the corporations and none for individuals."

Scalia may not be Chief Justice, he is the Tom DeLay of the Court to Roberts' Dennis Hastert. His hostility toward being recorded in any way shape or form is an insult to true American justice. The Scalia-Cheney hunting trips alone showed an arrogance for separation. Then again, recusing isn't in his nature. Both Scalia and Thomas had huge conflicts of interest in Bush v. Gore, yet both of them stayed on the case.

They don't have the limelight, and many Americans couldn't name them even with a picture in front of them. But their evil slimes over all of the population, those who get thwarted and look to the people in the black robes for a sense of fair play and common sense -– especially the Lily Ledbetters of the world. And when these people come to the SCOTUS Federalist Foursome for justice, they will be denied -- much like a blocked basketball shot -- as long as their reign of terror lives on.

Summary of last week's results in Round 1.

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