I know, I know, it was just last week that I vowed never to write about these Tea Party people again. I would be more than happy to do just that, but you see, they’re in my town, hell, in my neighborhood, and tagging along with them is none other than the Queen Of Duh, Sarah Palin. The Tea Party Express has parked itself on the sacred ground of Boston Common for a three-hour extravaganza capped by remarks from the former half-term governor of Alaska and McCain campaign stage weight herself. Below, I bring you coverage of the whole thing.
11:25 a.m. – OK, this is Boston, right? You’d assume someone told the ‘Bagger organizers where they were, right? Wrong. They just closed the show with someone singing “New York, New York” by Sinatra, but with anti-Obama lyrics…except that’s the song the Yankees play at the end of every home game, and the crowd of Red Sox fans here knows that full well. People reacted to the song like scalded cats, and in seconds, the singer had the Common almost completely to himself. You really can’t make this stuff up. Cheers, and thanks for reading.
11:15 a.m. – The rhetorical blue balls felt by the crowd is palpable.
Everyone came to hear Palin, but unless you were standing next to her, she was utterly inaudible. The crowd is dispersing in every direction, but there’s still a guy on stage screeching about protesting on YouTube. This thing was supposed to last until 1pm, but it appears the show is over. It’s early, but damn, I need a drink. Wait…is that Russia?
11:15 a.m. – The audio is working in fits and starts. I just heard “…ill, baby, dri..” before it crapped out again. Even at half volume, Palin’s voice is like fingernails across the chalkboard of my soul. People are pretty pissed they can’t hear anything from Ms. Duh. The crowd is breaking up.
11:05 a.m. – Palin is on, but the microphone just cut out. Can’t hear a word she’s
saying. Hand to God, she’s yowling into a dead mike, and I’m surrounded by sunburned white people asking each other “What did she say?” There is comedy, there is high comedy, there is sublime
comedy…and there is this. Oh man. God is Love.
11:00 a.m. – Just took a long step back and climbed a hill at the back of this thing, and it is patently clear the anti-‘Bagger crowd outnumbers the Tea Partiers by at least three to one. This looks like an anti-war rally when you get away from the 2,000 people near the stage. Hilarious
10:50 a.m. – Just got swept into an anti-Palin protest march charging through the center of the crowd. The vanguard of the counter-protest is getting physically pushed around by ‘Baggers who are yelling things like “Europe has fallen!” Nothing excessively violent yet, but the gasoline is dangerously close to the fire.
10:40 a.m. – I am throwing up into my mouth right now. We just got 20 minutes of joyous praise for our dead soldiers with nary a note about why they’re dead. They played taps and I had to tell people to take their hats off. Me. The *ahem* traitor in their midst had to remind these cretins how to show respect. I’ve never seen so many people metaphorically masturbate in public before, but they just can’t seem to get it right.
10:30 a.m. – Best sign so far: a guy holding a placard reading “Remember when dissent was patriotic?” Except he spelled it “dessent,” and had crossed out the incorrect “e” and penned in an “i.” Poetry.
10:25 a.m. – Just spent ten bucks on five buttons. I’m wearing the red one with the Soviet symbol replacing the “O” in “Obama.” The others aren’t as clever (koff), but I had to get the George W. Bush “Miss Me Yet?” one. I feel like part of the gang now. There is a speaker talking about the need to stay in Iraq and Afghanistan. It’s a ball out here. Kill me.
10:15 a.m. – Wow. A guy wrapped in a yellow Don’t Tread On Me flag
just tried to use the “Render unto Caesar” line from the Bible to
justify not paying taxes, but he got the quote wrong. I gave him the
correct line, and said “It means pay your taxes.” He turned beet red
and fled into the crowd. I love this job.
10:05 a.m. – All these people are carrying pro-Constitution signs, but
I keep hearing anti-Census and anti-Federal government comments. It begs the question: since the Census is clearly delineated in the
Constitution, and since the Constitution itself established federal governance to begin with, what document are these people actually
reading? Maybe the Reader’s Digest version?
10:00 a.m. – This might be the oddest crowd I’ve ever seen. The guy next to me is wearing a Blackwater shirt and is packing a big knife. I’ve heard several people greet each other with “Why are you here?” Followed by “Why are *you* here?” The speaker is railing against taxes and “Obumma.” Gotta wonder where these free-speechers were during the Bush administration.
9:50 a.m. – Tranquility Base, the Stupid has landed. I’ve already been told we’re losing the country “a feather at a time.” Makes me ask who this “We” is. If the crowd is any indication, it ain’t melanin-enriched folks who are getting their feathers stripped. It’s a bright sunny day, so a lot of white people will be pink before the show is over.
8:35 a.m. – Woke up and turned the TV on, and a local news network was interviewing one of the ‘Bagger rally leaders. Mark Williams, a Tea Party Express organizer, already had some magic things to say. I quote: 1. If anyone uses the word “nigger” on the Common, that person is not a Tea Partier (but since he used the word on TV, I assume he gets a special dispensation…and yeah, he said “nigger” right into the camera); 2. Sarah Palin is like Ronald Reagan in her ability to reach the common person; and 3. If a million people show up today, the media will say twelve people came.
Read Yesterday’s Prelude: Tea on the Common
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